Lady Gouldian by Read Calia

Author:Read, Calia
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Calia Read
Published: 2021-04-10T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Juliet

Changing yourself for each person you meet in your life is remarkably easy. I prefer to think of it as wearing clothes. Some may fit, others are too loose or too tight. At times, the characters are unflattering. For me, I settle for nothing less than perfect. That’s what I attain to be in life.

I’ve carefully observed people to see what they prefer and what they dislike. I remain patient and calm because I know my attentive observations will lead to everyone being none the wiser.

Yes, transforming yourself is easy. It’s being yourself that’s far harder. Shedding the traits that define your identities and becoming bare is lonely and vulnerable. Akin to standing in front of the mirror without a stitch of clothing and staring at your flaws.

If I could, I would never be bare. But I’m not strong enough to face what I see, and I never have been.

Perhaps Asa can sense my ever-changing self. Maybe I am not as careful and precise as I think and that’s why he doesn’t love me. I saw him at the dress shop and at Alex’s birthday. I am no fool. Asa still loves Nathalie. If he thinks he’s concealing it from me, he needs to do a far better job. I didn’t expect Asa to love me at first sight. But something would be nice. Can I say I love him? Of course not. But I see the expression on his face when Nathalie is around, and I want it for myself. Everyone desires warmth and comfort.

“He will never love you.” At the sound of his voice, I close my eyes, but the scent of blood pervades my nostrils. I know if I open them, I’ll see his reflection in my vanity mirror. Flecks of blood will splatter his clothes, and appear up his neck. He’ll be standing beside me, whispering the words softly, yet managing to brush the hair back from my ear.

“You’re a stupid twit,” he continues, and I suck in a sharp breath. “You know better than to want his kindness. You’re here for one thing. Remember that.”

My eyes flash open, and I’m all alone in my room with only his words echoing in my head, and the lingering scent of blood in the air.

Outside my room, the house continues to run as it normally does. I can hear the maids carrying on conversations, and it reminds me how alone I feel here. The awful staff doesn’t care for me, though. I can sense their unease as I walk past them and in how they avoid my gaze. I had no chance of earning their favor. Especially after what occurred in the dining room. Apologizing was humiliating and degrading. I was no better than the dirt beneath my fingernails. And everyone in the dining room saw it. I wanted to lunge at Asa, claw at his face and unleash all my anger on him for hurting me in such a manner. Couldn’t he understand that what I was doing was for the betterment of this house? A home needed to be ran with a sharp eye.

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